I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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