I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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