Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize