so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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