I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize