Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize