There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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