and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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