just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize