whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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