my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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