how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize