I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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