he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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