There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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