If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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