dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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