cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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