She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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