I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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