if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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