I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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