I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're too hungover to prance.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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