Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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