I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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