i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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