I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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