Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize