did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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