Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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