so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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