You're my little dorito
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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