I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
one might say we're banned from that church
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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