HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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