no, he came in my armpit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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