i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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