Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize