im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i came on her dog
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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