so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize