And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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