I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize