Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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