I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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