Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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