You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize