We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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