I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize