My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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