and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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