I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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